Host Calls off Thanksgiving Dinner After Micromanaging Sister Hands Out ‘Family Code of Conduct,’ Complete with Dress Codes and Assigned Seats: 'She showed up with printed copies'

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    r/AITAH ⚫ 6 hr. ago ziolczykdaniel AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my sister handed out a "Family Code of Conduct" contract?
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    This happened recently, and I'm still baffled. For context, I (32F) have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It's always a little messy and chaotic, but that's part of the charm, right?
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    This year, my sister (29F) decided she wanted to "help bring some order" to the gathering. At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up
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    at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a "Family Code of Conduct." She handed these out and insisted everyone read and sign them before attending Thanksgiving. Some highlights
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    included: • A rule against "overlapping conversations" at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like "a respectful debate club."
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    • A "ban on political or controversial topics," with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated. A dress code of "smart casual" because "holiday photos should reflect well on the family." Assigned seating that she claimed was based on "optimal personality compatibility."
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    She was completely serious. When I laughed and said, "You can't be serious," she accused me of "not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously." I told her I wasn't going to enforce a code of
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    conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself. She doubled down, saying I was being ungrateful and stubborn. I canceled hosting, and now the
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    family is mad at me. My mom. thinks I should've just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless "no one tries to draft a holiday constitution." I'm torn. Was I wrong for standing my ground, or should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?
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    Excellent-Highway884 • 8h ago • Just host your brother lol. Tell everyone else that if they're happy about a code of conduct they're free to attend your sister's house. However you will not be hosting. ✰ 9.8K 9.8K ○ Reply
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    . Born-Horror-5049 9h ago • I'm with your brother. This would make me skip Thanksgiving all together. NTA. If she wants to be the Thanksgiving police she's welcome to attempt this at her own house. ✩ 4K ○ Reply ...
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    Sensitive_Note1139 • 8h ago • Top 5% Commenter Simple fix- Tell her she's welcome to not come to your house for Thanksgiving. Host the family. members who are willing to come. Never do something to "keep the peace". That just leads to more problems down the road. When your parents get upset and say anything again, let them know they are welcome to go to your sister's and live by her rules for the holiday.
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    Thanksgiving is stressful enough without BS rules. My MIL has only a couple rules: 1- Food will be on the table as soon as it's done in the afternoon. If you can't make it on time there will be leftovers.
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    2- No one may talk about religion or politics. 3- Little kids may have chicken nuggets if they want them. These rules prevent drama.
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    TheVaneja 9h ago NTA she has a h I of an ego to think she has any business dictating how family dinner can go. I personally would have simply uninvited her unless or until she stepped down. 425 ○ Reply
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    Hannah-King . 9h ago • You're not wrong for standing your ground. Thanksgiving should be fun, not a corporate meeting with rules! It's your house, your choice. ◇ 380 ○ Reply
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    Cali_Holly ΝΤΑ 8h ago • Top 1% Commenter I will not be humoring someone who tries to create rules of conduct in my home. And I stand by own what I stated. IF sister wants to create this rules of conduct? Then yes. She can host. And I don't know why you all are mad at me? Sister was the one trying to tell you all how you should act. 359 Reply ...
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    Kmia55 8h ago • . Top 5% Commenter Your mother wanting you to "humor her for the day," is nothing more than your mother wanting her peace, not anyone else's. It is the equivalent of saying, "Well, that's just her personality," which is BS. Your sister is being ride and your mother knows that, but doesn't want to confront your sister herself.
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    Actually, your post made me laugh. I'm thinking along the lines of you handled it like a boss. Still laughing. You did good. 159 ○ Reply
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    ifdefmoose 8h ago NTA. Your sister sounds like a real control freak. But perhaps you can find a way to cancel her attempt to control the entire family without canceling your family's Thanksgiving. Good luck. 153 ○ Reply
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    OkeyDokey654 • 8h ago • NTA. The ban on political or controversial topics can be a good idea if your family tends to argue about these things. But her being the judge? Nope. And the rest is absolute hogwash. ↑ 77 ♡ ○ Reply
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    My mom thinks I should've just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless "no one tries to draft a holiday constitution."

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